The “Official CV” of a Bloody Shiny Bum
What is a "
Shiny Bum”?
The Encarta English Dictionary defines
shiny as glossy, sparkly, polished or gleaming and a bum is defined as
buttocks or a vagrant (American) or, interestingly enough, a devotee - somebody who is excessively devoted to a particular activity or place i.e. a ski bum, fishing bum, shiny bum etc.
This definition I think defines all Rotarians world wide –
Shiny Bums – excessively devoted to the well being of mankind.
Now … the author of this specific CV and his best mate “Famous Big Stu” coined the name
Shiny Bums for Rotarians and Round Tabler's of Middelburg (MP) and used the term frequently, loudly and proudly. A few noses were put out of joint in the process but it was always used in jest and always teasing in a kinda loving sort of way.
The author of this CV, whom I will refer to as Plonker, swore blind he would
NEVER become a Shiny Bum “‘cos they don’t give us guns, bullet-proofs and things we can blow up”.
So the Rotarian
Shiny Bums, in their infinite wisdom, slowly and quietly got to work on this anti-Shiny Bum.
Your
Shiny Bum!
Rotarian Drummond Hammond
First they send him to Wales as the class clown of an otherwise brilliant GSE team, to go and find guns, bullet-proofs and things that go bang in the night. And what does the Plonker do? Gets all teary eyed at the Rotary Conference in Plymouth ‘cos of the Rotary Polio Plus project and promptly brings back an anti-drugs program for kids and schools that the
Shiny Bums (Rotary & Round Table) promptly support – what a plonker!
Then the Plonker is informed that he is a member of the Rotary International Foundation Alumni and is promptly made an Honorary Rotarian and Round Tabler in the same year. Oh you devious
Shiny Bums.
And so the sucking-in continues unabated. The Plonker gets awarded with
Rotary Shiny Bum merit certificates, international friendship certificates et al. He allows himself to get involved with the Christmas Lights project (with that hero Charlie Deiner of wheelchair fame), the wheelchair distribution project, the blankets and jersey’s project to name but a few.
But wait, there’s more. The bloody
Rotary Shiny Bums then get the intrepid Plonker involved in the greatest race of all, Rotary’s Greatest Train Race, a race for lives and the betterment of mankind. And what does our Plonker do
– he’s in boots and all (EXCO member and all excuse me!) screaming “
you’ll never make me a Shiny Bum!”.
Ah! But the
Rotary Shiny Bums are patient, they smile, nod & wave and endure his abuse, quietly waiting to strike.
Then they award the Plonker with a gong, the Paul Harris Fellowship gong. They are devious about this … they tell the Plonker he is attending his other best mate’s Rotary farewell dinner before moving to Australia. The Plonker is sucked in, yet again, and receives this most prestigious Rotary award from non other than past AG George Kalell, his other best mate.
Bloody Rotary Shiny Bums!
Now enters a period of loud protestation and screaming – “
you’ll never catch me alive”.
The Plonker moves out of town to the stunningly beautiful town of Bela Bela (Warmbaths) and settles with his family there, well out of reach of the
Shiny Bums.
And one would think here our Plonker lives quietly and happily ever after…
NO, NO, NO – HE DOES NOT!!!!
The bloody fool allows himself to get soft soaped by an old bat, PP Joan Grissel
(PHF++), and gets sucker punched into being inducted as a
BLOODY SHINY BUM!!!! Much to “Famous Big Stu’s ”dismay I might add, hehehe!
On Thursday the 7
th of February 2013 Drummond and Hettie Hammond were quietly (oh yeah!) inducted into Rotary by the Warmbaths Rotary Club. Hettie and I would herewith like to thank a few Rotarians, who along the road, quietly showed our Plonker the way:
PDG Anton Meerkotter, PADG George Kalell, PP’s uncle’s Gabby Kalell, Jacky Deiner & Doc Max Patz, Ashrif Latib, Andre Brandmuller, Gaylene Deiner, Andreas Mastoroudes and President Ana-Mart Ott. Then there are all the Rotarians and ex or retired Rotarians such as Dawie Loots, Rob Sole, Mark McGiddy and so many others of the huge Rotary family.
A special thanks must go to two special guys in the life of our Plonker. Our Plonker’s other best mate, Rotarian (jnr) Graeme “Grimples” Leathes, who was inducted the other day and who happily told our Plonker he should join too.
And, without him realising that he tipped the scale in favour of Rotary, ex Rotarian, Selous Scout and all round good guy, Dale Collett – one of our Plonker’s boyhood hero’s, and living proof that nothing is impossible and whom I found out, quite by accident, was a Rotarian in his day.
To PP Aunty Joan Griessel … you got me! And as for Rotary Warmbaths – President Piet and the club - thank you kindly for your warm welcome (and cold pints) and you will soon find out how hot the kitchen gets!
And as the un-named Rotarian whispered … Rotary will never be the same!
Best Rotary Greetings
Your
Shiny Bum!
Rotarian Drummond Hammond
